Jesus Suffering Fuck!!!
Updated: Oct 18
Why my Blog?
Over the years, I've acquired quite a collection of nicknames. Some of them haven't bothered me, some have hit a nerve, and then there are a few I've grown quite fond of (as one typically does with nicknames).
One such moniker that stuck was Haggis. Surprisingly, among the many tags, Haggis seemed endearing and far more palatable compared to some of the less flattering alternatives.
Always having had an affinity for Haggis as a dish, the nickname seemed to suit me. Although I remember some friends not particularly fancying the comparison, it persisted and has somewhat backfired, as I'll explain later. Despite this, I'm generally content with the label, except for one specific circumstance. But more on that in a bit.
In 2005, during a phase of prosperity and indulgence in life's pleasures, I decided to splurge on a personalised number plate for my car. Although I recognised the indulgence of such an act, my excitement overshadowed any reservations. As a frugal Scotsman at heart, the availability of the word "HAGGIS" as a premium plate in New South Wales immediately attracted me, but the financial considerations were real. To circumvent this, I opted for the alternative "HA66IS," a standard configuration that didn't demand the additional premium, aligning perfectly with my thrifty nature. It's safe to say that "HA66IS" has now become my signature on the road.
So, there's a wee bit to unpack there (and I can't even recall it all, even though I've just typed it). Jeez, this is only the first page.
I get manic (I might need to think of a better word) and enthusiastic about things. Other times I just can't be arsed. Perhaps there are multiple words better than 'manic'. Earlier I changed from frenzied to manic. That still seems a little unkind, a work in progress, maybe. In reviewing this on the fly, I think 'excited' is correct in this context.
I have had times of reckless spending. Other times I'm that tight. I squeak when I walk.
I mostly try not to care what people call me/or think of me, but I do like affection, friendliness and camaraderie (which clearly shows I DO care). A current developing trait is that I am starting to believe that what people think of me has fuck-all to do with me in real terms.
I like to debate and explore alternative perspectives, so much so that I perhaps 'sway in the wind' in my thinking a bit too much. I also sometimes take a deliberately contrary stance at times a) to be a bit naughty and b) get a different perspective.
I like to think I'm fun-loving.
I am loving.
I like to be liked (see, I've said it more than once already, I want excellent pals, for fuck-sake).
And I think I've got a decent sense of humour
Lastly, (some of) my bad attributes are: -
I can be very intolerant
I can be an argumentative bastard
I am rarely open to the fact that I could be wrong (I'm trying to change this)
I swear too much
I have made some poor decisions
I have drunk too much, too often, in the past
I have had a poor diet
I have not exercised enough
I have not loved enough
I have not taken care of friendships well enough
I overthink way too much
I am too impulsive, although this may be another developing trait that I embrace
I self-diagnose too quickly, primarily wrong; one imagines
I and I am a terrible, terrible, terrible procrastinator (see what I did there)
Edit (add-in)–
I buy too many shoes, clothes and regularly find unopened, unworn t-shirts, undies, socks, shirts (currently 17 unopened shirts found recently) around the wardrobes; and
I think I'm stylish when I'm not but look at (3) in my 'unpack', and you can see a middle finger in there somewhere (I think).
My interests are far and wide. I'll start with a few obvious ones, then allude to why I'm having a go at a Blog for the first time in my life.
My boys – Carter (16½) and Miles (14 in May).
My loving partner, Kerry Ann (Kerry).
My football Team – is the Heart of Midlothian FC in Edinburgh (Hearts, the Jambos, the Jamtarts, the Famous, the JTs, the Boys in Maroon). My primary source of mischief-making mirth and controversial commentary is online, primarily via Facebook.
Technology, but not too technical.
Cars. Jeez, we may cover some of that at times.
My new Scooter, a Royal Alloy TG300s, was bought by my loving Kerry in April (the 2nd, actually).
I have read and educated on some Diabetes issues and associated complications. I may touch on this and give you my experience, NOT medical advice.
And lastly, the main reason for me starting this...
On Tues 12th of April, I had a confirmed diagnosis of Mantle Cell Lymphoma.
I've come to believe that chronicling my journey through a blog might offer some solace, perhaps even help alleviate a few troubling treatment side effects that weigh heavily on my mind. Insomnia and cognitive function, in particular, have become unwelcome companions on this challenging path, and I'm eager to find ways to mitigate their impact without inadvertently exacerbating them.
In the realm of personal philosophy, I find myself leaning towards the notion of fate, though this belief warrants deeper introspection and a more elaborate explanation. Faith, on the other hand, isn't a concept I readily embrace, but I hold deep respect and admiration for those who do.
My aversion to organised, authoritative religious structures might seem paradoxical, given my appreciation for certain aspects of spirituality such as the tranquil aura of churches, the serenity of graveyards, and the allure of certain religious symbolism. This perspective stems from my experiences, especially the timing of my diagnosis, which arrived at a point when life seemed poised for a series of joyous moments and promising events alongside Kerry. The incongruity of such a stark turn in the midst of what seemed like an impending blissful chapter has solidified my belief that any divine entity capable of inflicting unwarranted suffering on those it claims to cherish cannot align with my understanding of compassion and love.
While I'm not actively seeking a theological debate, I am open to hearing diverse perspectives and responses, even though the underlying concept of divine cruelty remains incomprehensible to me. If you're inclined towards profound theological discussions, I must admit that my expertise in that arena is rather limited.
So, in the words of Billy Conolly,
JESUS SUFFERING FUCK!!!
or
BRILLIANT, FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
I landed on the former, but the latter could easily have been the title.
Oh, for what it's worth, the best, absolute best thing anyone calls me is Dad! If I could hear that just once a day, I'd be a happy camper (maybe Carter and Miles will read this).
I love you, Kerry X.
I love you (unconditionally), Carter & Miles XX. Sometimes though, you can be a pair of wee shites xx.